Marian the Librarian (#24)

Do you have a question for Marian? 
Send it to the editor, Deanna Briggs, dbriggs@copyright.com to forward to Marian.

Dear Marian, 

I need some coping strategies. After almost two years of looking for a position in a library, I started a new job a few months ago in a corporate library with a staff of five. I’ve already determined this is not the environment for me! One of my coworkers regularly throws temper tantrums and, in my opinion, our manager doesn’t do enough to counter that person’s behavior. Our work environment is not a comfortable one. The tantrums can be over anything, directed at anyone, and last for days. Some of my colleagues can shrug it off, but Marian, I can’t. I’m too afraid of the job market (and my credit card bills!) to quit immediately. I’d like to stay here for at least a year to be able to put something solid on my resume. 

Signed,
Counting Down the Days

Dear Counting Down the Days,

Congratulations on your new job! It’s really a shame it isn’t working out for you, especially after looking for a position for so long.

It’s good that you already recognize the problems in the environment and that you can’t stay. Working with a coworker with anger management problems may not be very healthy. Much has been written about working with difficult people, like the book Dealing With Difficult People: How to Deal With Nasty Customers, Demanding Bosses and Annoying Co-Workers and Anger and Conflict in the Workplace : Spot the Signs, Avoid the Trauma. You might want to do a little research to see what those kinds of books recommend. Some places offer courses about conflict at work and handling other people’s anger, too.

It sounds like you’re also dealing with ineffective management. It’s your manager’s responsibility to make sure your coworker’s behavior doesn’t get out of hand and make work difficult for others. Perhaps your manager could also use some coping strategies. She or he may not have much experience dealing with someone else’s anger. Is there someone in human resources or another management position you could talk to? Is there another coworker as bothered by the anger as you are? Would it help if several of you spoke to your manager at once? 

I’m a little concerned for your coworker, too. It sounds like he or she might benefit from some mental health assistance. You probably aren’t in any position to try to find out what’s at the root of his or her problems. Is there someone on staff who can talk to this person, like a counselor, an ombudsperson, or even a friend?

Some things that might help right off hand include giving yourself a break from the work area when things get tense (like taking a short walk), partaking in some relaxation exercises, listening to music with headphones, and sneaking books about anger management onto your coworker’s chair.

Take care,
Marian

Dear Marian, 

I’m in a bit of a quandary. We have an opening where I work that a friend of mine said she applied for. The thing is that she has the skills and looks great on paper, but I know she would not be a good fit in the long run. She doesn’t have the right personality. And, honestly, I think she’ll drive me nuts if we work together. I’m not involved in the hiring process and I wouldn’t feel right expressing my concerns to the search committee. She’s been looking for a new job for a long time and I’ve been helping her a bit in her search (she learned about the job here from a Web site, not from me), so I feel completely awkward now that her best lead happens to be working with me and I don’t want to work with her. What should I do?

Sign me,
Mixed Loyalties

Dear Mixed Loyalties,

I think your signature sums up your tough situation: mixed loyalties. Ultimately, you might have to decide what’s more important: your friendship or being honest with your coworkers. Chances are that if you recognize she wouldn’t be a good fit for the environment, others might get that same impression. The hiring process may not allow enough time for that, though. Since you’re her friend, you probably know her better than anyone else in the work environment. The search committee might really value your opinion, especially since trying on people’s personalities is an important part of the job interview process. It might be better to tell them sooner rather than later, if you’re going to tell them.

Have you considered talking to your friend about your concerns? You might be doing her a favor by pointing out why you don’t think she’d be a good fit. The problems might be ones she’d notice later anyway. You might be able to help prevent her from taking a position that is not ideal for her. Many of us are mature enough to know that friendship has different levels and boundaries. Not all of us can work with our friends. Hopefully, if you choose to talk to her, she’ll understand. Otherwise, you might just have to hope someone more suitable gets the job. Are there other people you can encourage to apply?

Best wishes,
Marian

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